Finding You
by S.equence
Summary: A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff.
1. Chapter 1

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff.

I own nothing.

Neela opened her eyes. She was lying beside Ray, as she had found herself doing so many nights past. He was snoring softly. As peaceful as it looked Neela did not want to stay there with him. She was hungry. Upon finding almost nothing to eat in the kitchen she dug out the bag of chocolate chips. She was about to engorge herself with the whole bag when she remembered the next best thing to chocolate, cookies. She got down the numerous ingredients from the cabinet and started mixing the ingredients, and making quite a racket.

Ray heard this and ventured sleepily into the kitchen. He laughed upon seeing her blue bathrobe dotted with flour and liquid. "What are you doing?"

"Making cookies." She stated, as if it was perfectly normal to bake cookies at 4 am.

Ray smiled and went over to her, "You couldn't wait until the sun came up?" He embraced her gently, pulling away so she could finish cooking. "…Apparently not." He sighed and hopped up on a countertop to watch her. Then he saw the coffee, already made sitting by the pot. Neela wasn't drinking any, but she usually didn't anyway so he hardly noticed.

After a few more minutes Neela took the first batch of cookies out of the oven and set them on the stove to cool. She watched as Ray unseated himself from the countertop and snatched one up.

"Hey!" Neela exclaimed, "I was going to eat that one!" Ray had already taken a rather large bite out of it but he offered it to her anyway. She sighed with irritatation, "I don't want it now!"

"Well why not?" Looking at her, bewildered.

"It has your cooties." She stated.

"I _do not_ have cooties." He insisted.

"Yes, you do."

"Ugh.."

She smiled, "I win."

"No you don't, I got the cookie."

"So."

"So."

Ray smiled and leaned forward, passionately kissing her lips. "Who wins now?"

"That wasn't a kiss, that was getting the flour off of me."

Ray shrugged, "If you say so, but now you have my cooties anyway."

Neela rolled her eyes and picked up a cookie. "Oh Ray.. I didn't put vanilla in them." She frowned.

"So, I couldn't tell."

She looked at the batch sourly, "They're ruined."

"No they aren't."

"Ray…. They are perfect."

"So, no one's perfect."

Neela sighed and frowned for a little longer.

"Well, I've got to get ready for work." He kissed her cheek as he walked past her into the bedroom and quietly shut the door.

Neela turned slightly, watching him go. She had forgotten to tell him about _why_ she had had the late night cookie craving.


	2. Chapter 2

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff.

I own nothing.

Neela was sitting all alone on the bench outside, looking down. She felt so put down and insignificant, but most of all, angry. Dubenko. The idiot. Letting that new girl get all the credit and all the work, while she was being constantly shoved to the back and humiliated. And Neela could not pinpoint the reason why. Was it her liking for ER rotations? Was it Dubenko's disgust in her? Were they trying to get rid of her? She threw down her hands, feeling ready to scream as the angry thoughts jumbled in her head.

After a few moments of despair she checked her watch. Where was Ray? Wasn't he off now? She hoped he was, because there was no way she was going back in that sad excuse for a workplace to find him. Then, the automatic doors opened and there he was, walking out. She smiled and brushed her hair back from her face.

Ray approached, smiling proudly. His face fell alittle as he saw her put out expression. He sat down beside her and reached his arm over her shoulders. Silently she leaned into him and after a few moments he stood.

"Come on, let's go home."

Neela stood; her expression brightening slightly as he pecked her lips and led her to the car. She knew he hated to see her upset, but she couldn't help it. They got into the car and Ray immediately turned on the music. Neela settled into the seat with a tired display. She tried to tune out the music and focus on the splotches on his window. A few minutes more and they were almost home. One of Ray's favorite songs was coming on, but just as he was about to turn up the dial Neela stopped him and shut off the music.

"Hey, I was listening to that!" he exclaimed, pouting a little.

"Ray… Stop." She scolded. She wasn't even thinking correctly about what she was going to tell him, but she knew it would have to come out sooner or later. "I have to tell you something important."

"What?" He cocked his head slightly, looking confused.

"Ray…" Neela sighed, looking a little lost for a moment. "I'm pregnant." There. She'd said it. Done.

"Neela.. Are you serious?"

But she turned away and stared back at her reflection in the window pane. There was nothing else to be said.

Ray turned the car into the lot and got out, looking stunned. Apparently, this was real, and she didn't want to talk about it. Ray was going to have to make her talk. He hoped that if he went slowly and easy, maybe, just maybe they could work it out. He went inside, Neela behind him. He started a pot of coffee, watching sadly as Neela laid down on the couch. He could see the tears and pain in her eyes, and all he wanted to do was take it all away. As he finished his coffee making, he was trying to get the pain away from his own thoughts.

He took his cup of coffee and went and sat down beside her. He looked over at her sad eyes, sat down his cup and pulled her close. She remained quiet and unresponsive, except for a small smile of thanks. After a few seconds she rested her head on his shoulder and he started stroking her back.

"How was work?"

"Wretched."

"Dubenko?"

She raised her eyebrows, "Yep."

His hands found his way to her hips, "Are you alright now?"

She sighed, "I don't know…" she sighed, looking into his deep eyes. Finally the tears came and he let her cry against his muscled shoulder until it was soiled a few times over. Neela stopped herself and he cradled her head in his arms, whispering soothingly.

"Come on, lets go to bed." He took her hand, pulling her up into his arms where he led her into the bed room with soft, gentle steps.

He waited until she was asleep before going into the bathroom. He knew he needed to start thinking about all this, but his headache was on the verge of migraine. Maybe all Neela needed was some support and care right now. It would be best for him to think about this later. He sighed softly and went into the bedroom, comforted only by the fact that this situation that they were in wasn't a mistake. Neela was no mistake. Maybe sometimes she was a disaster, but she was the most beautiful one he had ever met. It was a challenge to him self to save her from the nightmares and the tears. It was a challenge that would make him go alone to save their relationship.

And nothing was going to stop him.


	3. Chapter 3

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff.

I own nothing.

----

Neela opened her eyes, feeling slightly nauseous. Her head ached slightly and she stirred under the covers, trying her best to ignore the morning sickness. She laid her head back on the pillow with a tired sigh and looked across from her where Ray should be. He was still sleeping peacefully, it being only 6 am. As far as Neela knew, Ray wouldn't be on until later this afternoon. Neela was on call for this morning, not that she had any desire to go to work. Not with the bastards that ran the place. Maybe she should be awake by now, but she felt too drained to get up. With an inner sigh of disappointment, she closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

By the time she woke up again it was almost 9 and she could here gentle clanking of pots in the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder, double checking for Ray, but he was not there. She pulled her legs out from under the covers and stood, feeling slightly more nauseous than before, but still hungry. She went out to the kitchen to find Ray stirring a bowl of pancake batter. She didn't even realize he knew how to make pancakes. She sat down at the table groggily, "Morning Ray."

"Morning sleepy head."

"I was up earlier." She said with a small laugh.

"Did you actually get out of bed?"

"Well… no I guess not." She put her head down and sighed.

"You okay?"

"I'm still tired I guess…"

"Well not to worry, Dr. Ray's nutritious breakfast will have you up in a jiffy." He smiled and started to poor pancake batter onto the griddle.

Neela rolled her eyes, "Oh I'm sure Dr. Ray." She smiled, "You forget I'm a doctor too."

"Neela you're a surgeon, I can only count on you to take apart a chicken!"

"Gross, I'd never do that…" She sighed slightly and put her hands to her abdomen.

"What?" Ray asked, seeing her do so and looking concerned.

"Nothing, I'm just a bit nauseous."

"You're still hungry though aren't you?"

"Of course." She smiled a little.

"Good." He brought her a plate of nice, hot pancakes and set them down in front of her before gently kissing her cheek.

Neela beamed, relaxing a little. She took her fork and cut a bite of pancake. "Ray?" she looked over at him, watching him make a few more hotcakes for himself.

"What is it?" he asked, sitting down beside her with his plate.

"It's just that we haven't talked about this whole having a baby thing as much as I would like to."

"Neela…" He sighed, knowing it was useless to tell her there was nothing to say. There was a lot that needed to be said on both of there parts. He scratched his forehead, trying to release a little tension. "Okay, let's talk."

"I just want to find out if we have enough going for us to have a baby,"

"I think we do, both our salaries are good and our shifts are flexible that one of us could be here with it." He replied.

"Yeah, you're right." She took another bite of her pancake, "I'll need to see about getting an OB doctor and some checkups. Do you think we should tell anyone?"

"Well there are a good few people we can trust, Abby, Luka… but for now it doesn't have to go much farther."

"Sounds good."

"By the way, how bad is the morning sickness?"

"It's not really much of anything, except annoying. I'll see how work goes today though. Surgery… it's competitive." Competitive probably wasn't the right word for it, but she'd said it anyway. Work was over the top frustrating, but no use in worrying him.

They finished up their breakfast with a discussion of plans for later that night. Neela would get off a little after Ray and if she needed to cool off they could always go out to Ike's for a little while. The two finished up their breakfast and started to get ready for work. Neela got dressed and made up her bed, leaving Ray to tend to the rest of things. The ER had just paged her, time to see if she could make it through another day. It would be her first time taking the El to the hospital on her own in a while, but Neela was strong enough not to need Ray wherever she went.

She was just glad he was there when it really mattered, because that was what mattered to her. She knew she could count on Ray to be there for her and be faithful. He had never once backed down or hesitated about her being pregnant, and she praised him for that.

Rarely did you meet a man with such a strong mind, but Neela had met hers.


	4. Chapter 4

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff.

I own nothing.

BTW, I usually space the chapters about 1-2 days apart, so if they aren't coming together/flowing or are skipping around that is why. ;

Neela sighed quietly to herself, tired eyes watching the eggs in the skillet beginning to solidify. She pulled a fork from the drawer and started to poke and rotate them on the pan so they would cook more thoroughly. She was tired, and despite the presence of morning sickness she wasn't dwelling much on the baby. Her thoughts were slow to surface these days, unless of course she was angry.

She felt her stomach growl and looked down, her free hand grazing its fingers over her abdomen, right where the baby lay. She smiled a little and turned her attention back to her breakfast. "They're almost done." She told herself. After a few more moments of cooking she took her meal off the stove and flipped it onto a plate. As she crossed to the table she realized eggs no longer seemed appetizing.

With a frustrated sigh she took her fork and cut the eggs into different shapes. Better to amuse her self with food shapes then to actually eat the food. Her stomach continued to growl however, so after a few moments she fed a few forkfuls into her mouth. She turned her head, looking at the clock distantly. It was nearly 10. But there was no work for her today… She would just be waiting around for Ray until 6 or so.

As she stood up to clear her plate she felt a sudden sensation inside her, the baby moving. Recovering from the near dropping of her plate, she took a deep breath and went to step forward. Suddenly she remembered. She had an appointment with her OB for an ultrasound tomorrow. Hurrying the next few steps to the sink she left her plate and went to her room. Time to bond with the baby.

She sank deep into her bedding, which felt exceptionately comfortable. Resisting the urge to remove her shirt, she let her hands feel up her 3 month old baby belly. Her fingernails made small smoothing tickling sensations across her belly and she concentrated on taking deep breaths. After she had relaxed for a good 45 minutes she started to hum.

"_Hm Hm Hm Hmm……Hm Hm Hm…"_

Finally the sound of her own lulled her to sleep. She slept very peacefully for only a few more hours, after which she sat up her bed, reading a magazine.

"Gosh Neela, you act like you're on bed rest." She thought to herself before finally climbing out of bed. She made herself a peanut butter sandwich and headed into the bathroom. Black tank tops no longer slimmed her belly. She was protruding, if only slightly. With a gentle smile she again fingered her stomach, wondering how her baby was doing. Maybe after the ultrasound tomorrow they could start talking about names and things for a nursery.

Neela decided she ought to make a list of things for a nursery, what with her and Ray finally in bed together the old room could use a bit of occupancy. She took out a piece of paper, deciding that a pale yellow with white or pink trim would look best. And maybe, just maybe she was hoping for a girl… She glanced over at the clock again, it now read 1 o' clock. She walked into the kitchen and peeked into the fridge. One o' clock; time to shop.

Neela smiled to herself, feeling a new sense of joy and thought about having a baby. She went to get dressed and get her things. Couldn't have her boy coming home to empty fridge now could she?


	5. Chapter 5

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff and angst.

I own nothing.

----

Neela was back in her room, hurriedly getting dressed, not wanting to be late for her first ultrasound. It had been a long night, and Neela had awoken often with annoying thoughts and cramps of anxiety in her stomach. Ray peeked into the room as she was buttoning her sweater, smiling.

"Morning," she said, her eyes meeting his handsome form. She smiled back and walked over to the mirror to adjust her outfit. Without hesitating he put down his coffee and stepped up behind her. His hands hung loosely about her waist and he began to gently caress her stomach. She smiled, too shy to ask him to stop.

"Will I see you afterwards?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"Well I'll be going straight to work, so…"

"And I get on at one." He put his head into her hair, kissing it gently.

She smiled, feeling a little breathless and glanced at the wall clock. "Gotta go."

"Love you."

"You too."

He dropped his hands, listening to the clack of her heels and the crash of the door as she left. With a small sigh he went into the kitchen and started to clean up his small mess from breakfast.

Neela was just getting to the office of her choosing. It was a nice place, quiet and smaller than County. She had thought of going to Coburn but couldn't help but hesitate to it. Besides, there was a much nicer lady here, Dr. Burken. Upon entering the office Neela felt a sense of nervousness, what with the numerous others, ranging from those deep in the wells of pregnancy to those not farther along than herself. With a deep breath she seated herself a little distanced from the others and skimmed over the covers of the magazines. She was too on edge to feel like reading, and it was all she could do to keep from fidgeting while she waited.

As she was called in, a pleasant nurse, though probably not as pleasant as Sam began to check her over. Neela couldn't help but give her a unsure look but she sat quietly while the nurse reviewed the exceptions and rules of the ultrasound and asked if she had anything that might complicate the procedure.

"Dr. Burken will be right with you," she told her after about ten minutes. Neela's first thought as she left was that it was unnecessary for such a fuss, but better safe than sorry. Just as her nerves began to act up again, a petite woman with chin length light brown hair entered the room. Neela thought she looked quite experienced and was significantly older than herself, about 40. Neela was pleased to see her bringing in the ultrasound machine right away.

"Good morning dear, I'm Dr. Burken." She said kindly.

Neela smiled, "Dr. Rasgotra, er.. Neela, nice to meet you."

She smiled, "Alright then, you ready to get going?"

"Alright if you are," As much as Neela wished, she didn't really have any questions that might calm her down.

"Alright, if you would just lay back on this table here we can get started. Is this your first ultrasound?"

"Yes," Neela answered, still looking slightly nervous.

"Okay, so let me just tell you, I am not allowed to prolong the exposure of the machine to the fetus, a strict rule here. Also, I need to know if you are taking any medications which could cause you to loose consciousness or that might conflict with the fetus."

"No ma'am."

"Good, and you've been sleeping well?"

"Best I can."

"How about morning sickness?"

"It's gotten less intense."

"Good, you want me to get started now, don't you?"

Neela laughed softly, "Yeah."

She couldn't help but shudder as the gel was applied and the procedure began. She had preformed plenty of ultrasounds, but for it to be her own she couldn't help be nervous. She watched the screen intently before the picture had even come on, not wanting to miss a moment. However from the first time she saw her child on the screen there was a strange look on Dr. Burken's face. Neela shifted and gave her an uncertain glance.

"Hold on, there might be something wrong with the machine." She lifted the cord from her stomach and then placed it again, finding the baby. "Hun, when was the last time you felt the baby move?"

"Yesterday morning," She answered, starting to get scared. "Why?"

"Neela, I'm sorry to tell you this… The baby is not moving, and there is no heartbeat coming across. I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage."

Neela could of died. Those words were not true. Not. She was dreaming. Something… Something had gone wrong… With a sharp intake of breath she felt like she was gasping for air, "What are you talking about?"

Dr. Burken hung her head sadly and turned off the screen, "I'm sorry dear."

"No, you have to turn it back on! He's still alive, he moved, he moved yesterday…. You have to save him… you.. please?"

"I'm sorry dear, there's nothing I can do."

"Please…" Neela begged, tears falling down her tan cheeks. "Then can I get a way to County General?"

"We'll need to keep you here for monitoring. Your condition may not seem serious, but I have to warn you, there may be serious cramping and bleeding. If the fetus doesn't pass in the next few hours you'll need to get a DNC."

Its kind of unfinished, but I needed to post it. Continuation will be up asap.


	6. Chapter 6

Finding You

A Reela, destined to forever bring the pair closer together. Beware of fluff and angst.

I own nothing.

----

Neela walked down the lonely hallway to her apartment, head hung in defeat. It was over. Done. The DNC had been completed.

She had considered walking out, taking the El to County or making herself pass out to get an ambulance. She had wanted to run out of that OB. She wanted to whip the doctor in the face and scream. But something held her back. She hadn't been strong enough. She couldn't save her baby.

Just when she was getting to like the idea of being pregnant, it was all swept out from under her… Buried in the ground with dust and new plants worn over it several times.

How was she going to tell Ray?

Her feet met the base of the door and she stopped, looking in her pockets for her keys. She must have been too distracted when she left earlier, because they weren't there. Frustrated, she reached along the door frame for the spare. Her hand shook and she almost dropped the key while trying to regain control. She thrust the key into the lock and the door came open with such force from herself that it hit against the wall. She let it close behind her, too tired to put any energy behind it.

She threw her belongings onto the floor by the couch and stripped off her jacket and top, leaving on only her undershirt and bra. Then, proceeding into the kitchen she pulled the coffee pot towards her and brushed off the dust. It had gone a long time without being used, Ray usually getting his dose of caffeine at work or an energy boost from a few beers. And to her, coffee would usually make her grimace, but not today. She was craving again, and this time without being pregnant.

She paced from tile to tile, waiting for her coffee, and feeling unexplainably anxious. She brought her drink into a cup as soon as it was finished brewing and then walked into her bedroom. It looked dismal, dreary almost, blinds drawn shut, shadows across the floor. But she left it that way. She certainly wasn't in the mood for sunlight and happiness right now. Maybe that was why she was drinking coffee instead of tea, since tea was her regular tool for relaxation…

Neela took a few sips of the black liquid, hating its taste on her tongue. She placed it back on the bedside table with force, causing its contents to splatter the table some. With an angry sigh she fumbled for something to wipe it away, but only created a larger mess when her clumsiness sent several books and magazines cascading onto the carpet. She groaned, letting her need for rest take over as she fell back onto the bed, leaving the mess as it was.

After some time, Neela didn't quite know how long she could distantly here someone coming noisily into the apartment, but her energy was otherwise exhausted. She didn't move from where she lay. She heard his keys clattering onto the side table, and the distinct dragging of his feet after a long day at work.

He stopped as he entered the kitchen, seeing the coffee pot pulled out, puddles of it trying to dry to the counter. Looking confused, he swiped away the mess with a paper towel. Why would Neela make coffee? She hated the stuff… Then, he realized he hadn't heard a word from her. Was she even here? He glanced around, realizing the close she had on and her belongings were on the floor.

"Neela?" he called, thinking she might have fallen asleep.

After a few moments of silence he heard a distant response from the bedroom, "In here Ray."

He strode over to the door and put his hand to the knob, surprised to find it locked. Neela never locked any doors, unless she was peeing or something…

"You okay?" he asked, wishing his voice wasn't so muffled by the door.

After a few more moments of suspense, Neela stood up and unlocked the door, only to return to her place on the bed. Her hair looked tatty, her clothes were mostly off, and her books were in a mess on the floor.

"Neela, something's up…"

"What? You mean the coffee? I just made a cup for you…." She said nervously, hoping her voice didn't sound as false as it was.

Ray gave her a look of doubt, and stepped inside to pick up the mess of books and spilt coffee. When he looked back up, there were tears in her eyes.

"Neela, did something happen today?"

She squirmed in her seat, feeling all her strength leave her, just as she needed it most.

"Ray.. I had a miscarriage."


End file.
